The TX 58 had stopped being top of the line years ago, when his father had bought it. However, in spite of its rather lumbering quality, they had come to accept it as part of the family. It was handy for practically anything from excavating sections of the lawn to bringing the cat back down from its perch on the pipes.
As he remembers sitting on its shoulder, carefully wedged between the shoulder plate and the side of its riveted head, he notices a movement across the hedge bordering the park. On further investigation he realises that it is in fact a woman. Not just any woman, but the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. A strange tingling sensation takes hold of him as he motions his limbs in that direction. Slowly, but with much conviction, the TX 58 begins to move toward the park. Afraid that certain creaking joints would give him away, he maintains a distance from his newly acquired muse. He notices the heads up display go foggy from his shallow and quick breathing, and tries to get a hold on himself. His heart begins beating madly against his chest and there's nothing he can do to stop it. He feels almost voyeuristic as he watches the woman make her way gracefully across the grass. The high intensity lenses installed on the TX 58 catch her every move in great detail, relaying to its gleeful pilot her gliding figure. A breeze suddenly catches her hair, coming in from different directions at once, lifting strands of hair from the front, then from the back, flicking it from side to side, revealing her sharp features then at once hiding them. The reflection in the screen stares back at him, mouth agape. He shuts his mouth and resumes stalking his prey.
The world is terribly simple to her, a set of calculations and variables. Engineered to perfection, she is a tribute to everything feminine. A perfect companion model. She walks along the soft brick path in the park, feeding off all the hormonal data from nearby humans. Their high dopamine levels indicate that her presence pleases them. All is well. From time to time her scanners pick up the old TX 58 stalking her along the edge of the park. She senses no immediate danger, only curiosity, and keeps walking towards the charging station positioned at the other end of the park. Something about the old robot sparks her curiosity though. She could have easily avoided being followed but allowed it to continue. Her Artificial Intelligence seems to be evolving beyond its programmed capabilities, this 'curiosity' probably best described as attraction in human terms. The TX enters her sonic range now. She stops as she hears the quick, shallow breathing emanating from its interiors. She ought to be accustomed to such responses from humans- after all she was designed to do precisely that. Yet, something seems amiss. There appears to be a certain organic feel to the stream of data that her state of the art processors are dealing with, and she doesn't quite know what to make of it.
The air conditioned interior of the TX 58 feels damp, the old dehumidifying units in dire need of repair. He doesn't seem to care though, staring transfixed at the screen spread out in front of him. The woman walks through the park oblivious to the world and its minions, an angel, pure and untouched. Suddenly, it all begins to make sense to him. The epiphany comes to him, a product of the cynical human psyche. This seems too good to be true, he thinks to himself. She can't be for real. Sure enough, she pauses for a break and turns to find a charging station in one corner of the park. No, no, no, no......! She makes her way to the station and reaches for the single prosthetic cable. He is in despair as she connects her power ports to the station. This can't be! He cannot begin to fathom the depths to which his heart has now sunk as he watches the love of his life recharge her batteries. He should have realised this earlier on, he curses himself. Its over. With a dejected sigh, he releases the hatch over his head. It opens with a familiar hiss as the torso of the TX gives way. Still strapped into the machine, he breathes the clean, dry air outside. His heartbeat begins to slow now, a familiar gut wrenching feeling in his stomach. He takes one last look at the android across the park, and turns to leave the miserable scene, when she looks back at him. Their eyes meet and they remain standing, unmoving, almost transfixed. A breeze begins to blow again, showering her with cherry blossoms. She stands there looking at him, a slow, sweet smile spreading across her face. Suddenly his despair is forgotten, and a strange warmth takes hold of him as he motions the TX 58 towards the girl waiting under the cherry blossom tree.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
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The story is okay though I still believe that you can get deeper into writing a more powerful story. It has to do with crafting the story after you have put it down in this form.
ReplyDeleteAnyway now move it into comic book page format and thumbnails. If you look at your writing, much of it has to do with mood and expressions and getting these into visual format effectively is going to be the challenge.