Log line: A king decides to live in a card castle, oblivious to the fact that there is a war brewing amongst his people.
Synopsis: A pack of cards lives on a flat gravel ground, at the edge of which rises a fence of large green filaments, which is called 'grass'. At specific times in the day they see comet-like structures flying in the sky above them. One day, one of these flying structures lands on their houses. The people divide into those who want to destroy this alien object, and those who call it a 'God' and want to worship it. Meanwhile, the king continually tries to build the tallest card castle despite the destruction of all the small card homes.
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Characters:
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The King: Black and Red work together to play chess all day and to build the card castle.
The Joker: Flippant but honest. He is the one of breaks the tension between red and black.
:He gets sacrificed when the Jack(the bored prince) decides to trade places with him so he can escape the castle and see the local sites.
The Priest: The number ten card. (the highest number)
The Ace: The general. He wants to destroy the alien object.
The Masses: Originally divided according to black and red. Then divided according to worship vs destroy.
The Alien Object: A football from the neighboring field. The one 3-D object in a largely 2-D world.
Spades: Builders
Clubs: Fighters
Diamonds: Royalty
Hearts: The clergy
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Narrative:
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Starts with the introduction of the space.
The world is flat. A circle at the end of which is a giant grass fence circling the whole world. Two cards (Number 3 and the number 2 of spades family) have been playing close to the grass fence to see the flying objects overhead. They meet a line of ants running to a leaf in the grass. The leaf in question jumps up and is revealed to be the Joker card wrapped with green grass strands. The ants run and jump on the card.
2 and 3 of spades rush to help the joker and start brushing aside ants to run to the entangled Joker.
The Joker
Stop stop! Theses are my friends. We were just playing hide and seek!
2nd of spades
you have crossed the borders to meet them before? You know them?
The Joker
Well. Who defines borders anyway? They are just lines.
3rd of spades
But its forbidden! Its in the code.
The Joker
Well who defines this code anyways? They are more like guidelines.
2nd of spades
But…the king..
The Joker
The king is too busy building his castle. But what might two such upstanding cards as yourself be doing on the wrong side of the grass eh?
2nd and 3rd of spades
we ..er.. that is to say…
A circular object flies overhead and casts a shadow over them.
They all stare silently up.
The Ace of Clubs who is a soldier discovers their prohibited presence.
3rd of spades
Any wise words Mr. Joker?
The Joker
Yeah. RUN!
The three cards start to run, but the Joker clashes with another card running in the opposite direction. The other card is revealed to be Jack (the prince).
The Jack helps the Joker to escape the ace army soldier using his position as prince. The guard grudgingly backs off.
Ace of Clubs
Numbers 2 and 3. Get back to work. The king wants his castle built.
(grumbling slightly)
all he wants is his castle built.
As the guard follows the scampering cards, Jack and Joker start to walk.
The Joker
The King should know that he isn’t playing his cards right.
Jack
He needs to pay attention. This is not a game. These cards have lives.
The Joker
And he should really look up when people start to run out of place.
Jack
I wasn’t trying to run away! I mean. He controls everyone! And everything with his army.
A large spherical shadow ominously builds larger and larger during their conversation (overlaid over the guard and the two cards walking).
Jack looks up at the sky.
A large circular object crashes and rolls to the grass edge.
All the cards rush away except for Jack.
As the dust clears. The large round object is revealed to be a football.
3rd of spades (whispers)
what is it?
2nd of spades shakes his head.
The Joker takes a step towards the football.
It towers over all of them.
The Ace of Clubs runs to the main land yelling the arrival of the end. Armageddon.
As he runs, the main land can be seen. Some card houses have fallen, and the path of the football (wherever it bounced) has become a path of destruction.
The rest of them slowly approach the grass where the football is.
3rd of Spades
The gods have sent us a message.
The Joker (looking over at the destruction)(overlay dialogue over scene of destruction)
Well he could have just sent us a leaf.
Jack
The King. Someone must tell the king what has happened.
Cut to where the king is sitting in his chambers and observing the building of a card castle from his window.
The Ace of spades approaches and tells him what has happened.
The king looks at the broken houses and says that the cards used to build them must be salvaged. The Ace looks happy at the king’s suggestion. Then the king adds, that the salvaged cards must be used to add to his castle.
The Ace’s face falls, but he asks what is to be done with the alien creature itself. “Is it made of cards?” the king asks. “No your highness.”
“Then it cannot add to my castle. Destroy it if you want”
The Army prepares. As they reach the site of the crash, they are stopped by the high priest (number 10 of hearts)
A fight ensues in which the religious numbers say the football must be protected and worshipped. The army wants to destroy it.
And all the while, the king sits at his window, and watches his card castle grow taller. Slowly all the workers leave the castle building and join the fight.
The last frame, is of utter destruction. And the only two things left standing are the football, and the card castle. The king steps towards the castle, when a large pair of hands comes and picks up the football. The foot of the person bears down on his castle.
STOMP!
The king was stomped on. But his castle is left standing.
.Fin.
notes:
im having trouble with this story.
Maybe im trying to say too many things.
Half of it is in story form, and the other is in script form.
Which part of it should I try to flesh out and build?
But I do have some very clear visuals for the mise-en–scene.
I would like to explore this world within a world.
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You are lost because you are trying too hard. Instead of getting too abstract and "clever", I would say rework this into a very simple story. Have you read Flatland? Or watched the movie? If you try to simplify this, you might find that you are able to better clear your own head and get a story that works.
ReplyDeleteSo which parts do you want to save? I would suggest that you read Dr Seuss - there you have someone who is dealing with high concepts in a very simple but powerful way.
Learn from him.
When I read the story though, it reads alright. So what exactly is worrying you?
ReplyDeleteI feel some things ought to be fleshed out visually - for instance, the division of the people into worship/destroy.
What is the castle? A monument in time of the King's ambition?
I don't see the sacrifice. What is the sacrifice about?
I think this story will work as a comic book provided you can flesh out some parts and figure out how to get it to become exciting which it really isn't and that has to do with the plot.
you were dead right about the visuals!!
ReplyDelete:)
i have been trying to work out the story through frames. and its helping sort the story out in terms of characters and dialogues.
my next dilemma, so to speak, is the plot itself. i think it might have a series of build ups. but how do i push it so the action doesn't keep falling. in a narrative structure, is there a way to make the end of each buildup the start of the next buildup? or is that something i should try and figure out through the visuals themselves? i know theres no one way to do it. but im curious if there is a way.